Hot Or Not 2007

So, what's in and what's out for the new year? How we will be differing our behaviour between this year and last year?

2006: Muttering pompously about 360 being evil.

2007: Muttering sheepishly about 360 being a necessary evil.


2006: Nintendo Wii - the light at the end of the tunnel.


2007: Carpal's Tunnel.


2006: Crying because new Sonic games are coming out.


2007: Just crying.


2006: Acting cool because we knew who Tigger and Rita Repulsa's actors were when they died.


2007: Acting cool by pretending to never have heard of Ken Kuturagi when his Sony handlers "Find" him at the bottom of a flight of stairs.


2006: Tits not out.


2007: Tits still not out, but a definite camel's toe if you zoom enough.

Ironic Gaming Network's 2006: A Retrospective

Well, it's been a heady mix of trials, tribulations, and accolades for the IGNetwork team over the last year! Don't worry, we haven't let success go to our heads! Our pledge to bring to you, the discerning gaming public, the very best and most reliable gaming news and previews, remains our motto and driving force.

Let's indulge ourselves in a self-congratulatory appraisal of our Mission Statement!

- Secure FREE gaming stuff.
- Include BOUNCING TITTY gifs wherever possible.
- Take over ign.com.
- Achieve ultimate HAPPINESS.

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One out of four isn't bad :(

Exclusive footage of Tekken 7 on PS3!

The popular fighting series seems to have gone back to its roots, but will undoubtedly still be a hit with fans!

And the winnar is...

No-one, you're all stupid.

The answer was: "No it's AC Ma. Er, Dreamcast Ion!?!?"

Which really is obvious now you've seen it, isn't it? On the tip of your tongue, wasn't it?


Losers.

SEGA Palindrome No.3

Ok, I'm back again. It took me a while to think of this palindrome, and it will probably be the last as I'm having trouble thinking up any more. I'll reveal the answer tomorrow but I'm pretty sure no one will get this one. Even I don't really understand what it means. You can imagine it's some kind of Shenmue 3 prophecy brought on by heavy meditation and strong drugs if you like.


The answer to the last palindrome was: "NiGHTS pops th' gin".

Well done to clever Batou who guessed the right answer. A big box of respect is in the post.

Meanwhile... "Tips to no Devil".

Princess Rinko's Steady Descent Into Porn, Day 13

Swallow it ALL, bitch. I don't care if you don't like the taste. Paying ten quid for Congo Bongo didn't leave a nice taste in my mouth, either. I see ONE FUCKING DROP on your chin and I'm putting the clips back on.

Granny's Garden - A rant.

Today I am going to have a rant.
No, not any comedy news about the game gear's porn playing capabilities or anything like that. Just some good old fashioned "letting-off-steam"

Following on from Batou's great post about the fantastic Granny's Garden, I longed to play the original again, just to see if it still turned my pants the same colour as a brown man's bottom. After endlessly searching for a rom of it without any luck I decided I'd send the original makers of the game, 4mation an email.

"Hi there,

I just wondered if you were selling the original version of Granny's Garden?
I loved playing this game as a kid and it would be great to give it another spin.
I know I definitely have a copy in the attic but it means fixing my broken BBC-B!

Even a rom would be great and I'd happily pay even a fiver just to play this game again.

Kind Regards..."

I offered them a fiver for a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD game that should really be freeware by now. I thought I was being generous but OH NO NO...

"DEAR MR BORDERS
WE CAN SUPPLY YOU WITH AN ORIGINAL COPY OF GRANNY'S GARDEN ON CD-ROM
WHICH DOES NOT REQUIRE AN EMULATOR AT A COST OF £14.98 THAT INCLUDES P&P AND
VAT.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE THIS WE JUST NEED TO TAKE PAYMENT EITHER BY
CREDIT CARD OR YOU CAN SEND A CHEQUE TO US AT THE ADDRESS BELOW.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON
REGARDS BARBARA"

FOURTEEN NINETY-EIGHT!?!?!! Well, first she typed ALL IN CAPITALS which put our relationship in a 'dangerous area' even at that early stage but THEN.. THEN FOURTEEN NINETY-EIGHT for a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD game!?!?!?!?! As Catherine Tate might say "What a fucking liberty."* I could buy the great Psychonauts on Steam for less than that!

Anyway. I got annoyed and sent them a reply bullshitting about being some journalist on a student magazine with no budget, doing a retro gaming section and it'd be good publicity for the newer version if they sent me a copy of the old version.

Unsurprisingly they never got back to me. Can anyone else think of any GREAT REPLIES to send to Barbara that could maybe ease the grasp that her money grabbing hands have around this wonderful game?

*This is a blatant attempt to appeal to the MASSES. Catherine Tate is a bit shit really. I know you think so too because the type of people that read footnotes are the type of people that would hate the Catherine Tate show. Good on you.

SEGA Palindrome No.2

So, did you have fun with yesterday's palindrome? Did you work it out? Well if you didn't (I don't think you got it did you?) I can now reveal the answer.

It was: "SEGA is selfless, I ages".

Ok I admit it's not a great palindrome, but don't worry, today's is even worse.

There is some Shakespearean-style word usage in this one, so it may help to pretend you're in the Sixteenth Century (I don't know, don't wash, pretend God is real and that porn hasn't been invented yet: repression fuels the palindrome centres of the mind).Now wrap your brains around that and tremble at my palindromic power.

And while you're waiting for the exciting answer: Emily's Sassy Lime.

SEGA Palindrome No.1

Hello and welcome to the exciting world of palindromes.

Every day for the next week* I will be posting a picture representing a SEGA palindrome, the following day I will post the solution. If you guess the palindrome before I post it then you will win a signed and hand-drawn version of the palindrome picture.

The first one is not too hard. Have a go.


While your puzzling that out why not check out some more palindromes:

"Peanuts' Legs" is Gel's Tuna EP.

*Every day that I can be bothered.

Princess Rinko's Steady Descent Into Porn, Day 5

It's no good. I can't keep up. I've done the maths on how many orgasms this whore owes us for persuading us to spend money on the Sega Ages series, and it's hopeless. The entire population of Cardiff would have to do an armbreaker over this picture for a whole fifty seven minutes just to make up for Sega System 16 Collection ALONE. If you have a heart, PLEASE SEXUALLY DEFILE THIS GIRL'S IMAGE NOW or I'm going to end up with a right arm comedically huger than the other that can punch through walls like Mean Angel out of Judge Dredd.


Which, now I've given it some thought, would actually be really cool.